Big Dipper

Here, I am in a land that is both strange and familiar. During the day I know where things are and how to get from one place to the next. I have charted out each landmark relative to the other landmarks. They do not have fixed positions in my mind. I do not have a larger context to place them nor myself in. North becomes whatever direction I happen to be facing.

Without the gravity of Lake Ontario's shoreline or a known slope of the land, I cannot fathom where north must be. Only the position of the sun tells me, but I ignore it because what it is telling me does not make sense.

Tonight I walked at night and looked up at the stars. I remeber you once saying something about being under the same sky - and I think of you. I can only see the brightest of stars. They should be familiar, but they seem so foreign. It isn't until I find the big dipper that I can orient the world and make sense of where I am standing.

I wondered if you might be looking at the same stars at the same time... For you, there would be so many more to look at... Like salt scattered on a slate floor. Would you see the band of the Milky Way stretched across the sky? Would you be lucky enough to catch a shooting star? Or follow the path of a satellite as it passed overhead?

I will not see them here in this strange land - but I have seen them - and can imagine you. I turn to my new found west - to where you are,  wondering all these things and more. I have tried to not miss you, but the stars have brought you to me.

Slipping away...

To The Lady on the Train,

I can feel the continued slipping away... The sands where I have anchored no longer hold... Even I am beginning to pull away from your shores, not rowing back...

I will miss you when you are finally out of sight.

You may miss me too.

The Man in the Station

Night Storm

The rains have finally come after what seems like weeks of unwavering heat and humidity. As expected, the rains have come in heavy downfalls with wind, lightening, and thunder. The storm is a relief and it is the thunder and lightening that wake me in the very early hours. My small bedroom is pitch black, punctuated by the blinding clarity of flashing forked lightening. The kitchen and garden beyond it's window are caught like a camera flash... 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi... and then the rolling of the thunder... the house shakes and it rattles in my chest, rolling over my body and my head, then passes into the east - becoming more distant with every count... 4 Mississippi, 5 Mississippi...

I hear the rain pounding the pavement through the screen.. gutters overflowing, not being able to keep up with the sudden torrent... and the change in the air is palpable... I know that the morning will be cooler. I know that the plants and trees will seem greener... they have been waiting for this... This storm will signal the turn of a season, the first hint that this summer will not last forever... The plants will now rush to finish their growing, the production of fruit or seed - their reason for their first bold shoots up our of the ground in the spring... to get to this point where they can produce the next generation of their species before they hibernate or die.. this storm will be the signal of the home stretch..

I turn in my cool sheets, feeling a breeze on my bare skin where I am not fully covered.. I turn to face the window where I can better watch the storm.. When the lightening fills the room, I can see my arm, a toe..  I imagine what it would be like to watch this storm with you... if you were curled up with me in this small metal framed bed... to feel the contrast of your warm skin and the cool sheets... would you shiver next to me with bare shoulders? would I see and feel your hardened nipples under the white cotton sheet? I imagine the press of your long leg against mine and your buttocks nestled to the flat of my stomach, and our arms entwined in front of you... I know the scent of your hair and the feel of it on my cheek. Would it change in the storm?

I can imagine rising naked and chilled, taking you by the hand, pulling you to follow me. Could I lead you out to the garden to feel the warm rain fall on our naked bodies? have our hair matted to our heads? our faces lifted to the black sky, mouths opened, holding on to one another... to be startled and exposed to the world naked and wet for an instant in a flash of lightening - then become invisible again as the thunder rolls through us and we laugh..

Seeing each other only by touch and wild bursts of light.. we stand naked in the garden under this storm.. I would kiss you in the dark - pull you to me to feel your slick skin against mine... and together, here, in the garden in the rain - we would feel the first turning of the season...

Capture your Dreams

To The Lady on the Train,

If I could somehow capture the magic of your dreams as you slept and soak them into a canvas... paint them in colours rarely seen... or turn them to poems, a novel... words and images that brought them back to move you in the day as you were moved in the night... If I could somehow give you your hearts deepest and hidden desires.. present to you your whims, thoughts and fantasies... to hear the echo of your voice and to have it ring forever... I would gather you up and present you to the world.. I would have you see you..

The Man in the Station

Stuck in Limbo..

To The Lady on the Train,

I do not know why you have gone. I cannot understand it... I cannot think of anything that I may have done to deserve this cold shoulder treatment..

If I have done something, I wish that you would tell me. If I haven't done anything, then this is completely unfair.

I want to be angry. I want to yell. I want to tell you that I deserve to be treated better - to have an explanation...

I am just left wondering... and it feels like you have completely lost interest in me... If you have lost interest, or if you are interested in another, I wish you would just say...

It is like those times when you are on the train and it just stops in the middle of nowhere - for no apparent reason... Everything was going along fine, and then..... stopped... No announcement... no way of knowing what is going on... no acknowledgement that your desire to keep moving is being taken into consideration...  You wonder if there is another train, someone hurt, mechanical failure... and until you either start moving or someone lets you know what is going on, you are left to wait and wonder... Stuck in limbo...

I hate limbo..

The Man in the Station

Have I told you?

To The Lady on the Train,

Have I told you lately how beautiful you are?
Have I mentioned the way light bends to your beauty, or the way everything else disappears when you smile?
Have I compared your eyes to distant shining stars?
Have I told you how everything about you fills me up?
Have I told you that I miss the feel of your cheek next to mine and the feel of you close?
Have I told you that I miss the sound of your voice in my ear and the sound of your breath?
Have I told you lately that I am in awe of your strength?
Have I told you that I am amazed by your tenderness?
Have I told you lately that I love seeing your face in the sun?
Have I told you lately that you are an amazing woman?
Have I mentioned that any man deserving enough to have your attention should want for nothing else?
Have I told you that such a man should consider himself blessed?
Have I told you lately that you are magic?
Have I told you that the feel of your hand in mine presses on all of me?
Have I told you lately that I love you?

I should have told you...

The Man in the Station

Time...

To The Lady on the Train,

I do not know where you go... I do not know why you go...

To unlock that would be to unlock the mystery of you. Just give me time...

The Man in the Station

To know you...

To The Lady on the Train,

With all of your subtleties you have changed worlds... Sunlight bends to your beauty... Your grace has lifted entire lives... Your shy look and quiet smile can move a man beyond his known capacity... Your motion can make a man unable to move... Such a combination of strength, beauty, tenderness, resolve, knowledge, innocence..

Simply, to know you is to love you... and a desire to only know more...

The Man in the Station