Lucky enough...

To The Lady on the Train,

When I saw you the night of the dance, I swear, time stopped for an instant. All sound ceased - everything froze. My breath held and my heart skipped a beat. The world stumbled.

I watched you all night - laughing, talking, dancing... You hold me captive in a way that I cannot explain.. It has always been so, in your presence..

I remember times when you would walk close to me, causing the hairs on my arms and back of my neck to rise in goosebumps... If I was lucky enough, I could see the curve of the small of your back, the line of your shoulders and your white arms in fluid motion... Your head tilted, eyes shining and lifted... and always your smile... Your hair in tumbles or tamed, depending on your mood - always framing your beauty - and beaconing to be brushed aside for a kiss to be placed below your ear...

I remember times much earlier, seeing you in a hallway, passing by in the court... I remember noticing the swing of your hips as you walked, your straight back... the way you let the world around you fall away... wondering about you, drawn to your beauty and wanting to know more about - and being terrified at the thought of ever getting to know.. I believed that I would never be lucky enough..

And now, here... this simple man has beside him the woman that makes the world stumble...

Lucky enough...

The Man in the Station

The you I see...

Angel,

I do not know what you see when you see yourself - but I can tell you what I see...

This morning, sitting on the bench waiting for you, and hearing you before I can see you... I can pick out your footsteps on the marble floor - I can see you through the glass or in a reflection before you are fully revealed to me... and when you finally are, I see a tumble of curls resting on your shoulders, your eyes shining in my direction, long legs and a strength of posture... and then the slow smile because I am smiling at you... When you are sitting over the coffee with me, I can see an ease come - a kind of relaxation, maybe... a softening of your eyes, and your smile changes - just a little... I know that I tell you that you are beautiful - and you are - but it is so much more than that...You have a beauty that shines from your very core and moves me so that I feel the world must surly have stopped turning and time stopped... When we walk, I swear that I am 10 feet tall...

Across from you at lunch - watching your humour bubble up and your eyes light up - your stifled laughter and sharp shoulders... watching your slender fingers holding your fork.. knowing the softness and strength that they possess... and in the store, a slight lean toward you so that I could feel the impossible softness of your arm brush against mine... and trying to hold onto that moment when the world catches up and time speeds again...

The person that I see when I look at you is someone that I could never have imagined in my sweetest dreams - yet there you are...

That's who I see...

Just me.

Distance is a trick...

To The Lady on the Train,

I know what this weekend will hold for me - and I know what next week will hold for me. I must be crazy to put myself through it.

You will go away for the weekend and yet for me you will feel very close.  When you come back, though you may be close, you will feel so very far away...

The Man in the Station

Happy Mother`s Day

Happy Mother's Day. I hope that you have a wonderful day. Thank you for letting me share in it in some small way.

I don't know what it's like to be a mother. But I do know what it's like to see your heart, your breath, your love, some part of you that you did not know exist - all of that and more - take the form of a pink bundle of flesh like sausage links - screaming itself purple in the first moments of life outside.

I know what its like to see your entire world changed in an instant - suddenly feeling as proud as the most important person in the world - and incredibly humble at the miracle of this new life in your hands.

I know what it's like to be awed by creating such a perfect being and holding your child in your arms for the first time. Your life now siting in your arms... I know that feeling...

And I have had the great privilege to watch you with your child. The interaction between the two of you fascinates and awes me. I can see that she is your heart. You should be proud.

You are a wonderful mother.

Where I belong...

To The Lady on the Train, 

I am where I have always been - exactly where I belong. 

Beside you. 

And here is where I will stay. 

Come what may. 

The Man in the Station

A look...

To The Lady on the Train,

This morning you looked at me with a look that I have not seen in a very long time. It made me happy to see that it has not gone away completely - for some reason, you just need to hold it in...

The Man in the Station

Faith...

Angel,

Things have not been perfect between us the last few days... We have been here before, and I don't like being here. There is only one way for us to ever make sure that we never come back to this place.

I will have to tell you all the things that I keep from you. But I am worried too.You take on too much responsibility for my decisions. You take on guilt that is not yours to bear. And that is part of the reason that I keep some things from you.

You told me that I needed to have faith in you. I will leap. I will trust that you will not give up on us because it is not easy. I will trust that you will abandon me when I need you most. I have faith...

Just me.