2011 - Last day

Angel,

Today is the last day of 2011. New Years eve. A day to reflect on the past year - our trials and our accomplishments -- and a day to think about the coming year - what we plan and hope for our future.

This past year has been mixed with tough times and some of the very best too... but through every day, I have been grateful for you. Like every day, I will have you with me - on my mind... I cannot set you down.. 


At midnight tonight it will be your lips that I place the first New Years kiss upon... It will be your hand that I hold as we look forward to a bright future... It will be your smile that I see as we celebrate this crazy ride called life.


It will be you - even if only in my dreams...


Covering you...
Always...


Me

Distance Accordion...

Angel,

I am on the subway now and I am writing to you. Every day I ride these trains and as I sit or stand in the cars, I think of you. You are never out of my thoughts completely. You are always with me - in every little thing I do - you are there and I wonder what you would say, what would you think, what would you do?

I am surrounded by strangers who know nothing of me. To them - I may or may not even exist. But I am comforted by the knowledge that you know me - I exist for you.

These trains carry me to you - and away from you to. These trains accordion the distance between us in a rhythm that has played for almost two decades. Ironic that the accordion is a musical instrument that is played when pressed close to the heart.

As the accordion squeezes and the songs in my heart are joyful. Knowing that I am moving closer to you is the sweetest tune and the melody is light - yet excited.

Later, at the end of the day, as the accordion expands, the songs are a little more somber. The sounds are  tender and sweet with almost a yearning - but not sad - changed in their tone but confident that come morning the distance between us will once again diminish.

Our accordion plays and the music sounds and we dance this rhythmic dance. This we have done for a long time, but it is only recently that I have really paid attention to it. Now, to me, it is part of the most important piece ever written. It is part of the rhythm and music that is our song - our dance - us.

Thank you for sharing it with me. It would not exist without you.

beside you...
always...

me.

A dream...

Angel,

I hope that you slept well. I hope that for a time your troubles were set aside and that your dreams were filled with the wonders that can only happen in our dreams.

While in peaceful slumber you rode the winds on the backs of eagles and were carried to where ever you wanted to go. In dreams you can walk across the burning savannah, leading a procession of animals - where the zebra walks beside the hyena and the lion strides beside the gazelle. The giraffes with there graceful necks glide above the smaller animals. And the elephant lumber slow like living boulders and raise their trunks to trumpet your victories . The eagle you ride dips and swoops and turns, circling over the animals as you lead them across the plains and deliver them to a mighty river. Here they drink and rest in the shade and lay down together in sleep. And in their sleep they will collectively dream of you. They will dream of your wonders.

Such is the type of dream that I wish for you - this and many others.

My dream is to be beside you as you sleep. To hold you and to watch you and to listen to your breathing. With such a wonder in my arms, I would need no other dreams - no wonder in dreams could compare. When you wake, I will listen to all of the adventures you had through the night. You tell me all that you did and all that you will do - and you smile that most radiant and beautiful smile that shines from your whole face.

beside you...
me.

Weary..

To The Lady on the Train,

When I am tired and weary, all I can think about is climbing into our bed with you... resting with the length of you pressed to me, my arm around your waist... the feel of your skin against mine and your hair on my cheek... my lips pressed to the back of your neck... the rhythm of your breathing...

I would be there now with you if I could..

The Man in the Station

Boxing Day...

Angel,

Christmas Day is over and it is now boxing day... We were both distracted by our various commitments and activities... but in millions of moments through the day, you slipped in... I pictured you surrounded by your family, laughing and loud - Christmas morning excitement filling the house. I imagined you with me, sitting by my side, watching and playing with the little ones.. I imagined our shared laughter...

In many ways, I spent my Christmas with you...

Just Me.

Merry Christmas

To The Lady on the Train,

May this be your happiest Christmas. Though I will not be with you on this day, my thoughts will be with you. I will have you with me.

The Man in the Station

Sleep...

To The Lady on the Train,

I think that if you were here, I could sleep...
The warmth of your skin, the rhythm of your breathing, the scent of your hair...

The Man in the Station

Your Magic

To The Lady on the Train,

Magic swirls around you...

The way you  turn a kiss into pearl to be strung on a strand of memories...
The way you turn the night into diamonds on a velvet blanket...
The way you can touch me with your voice...
The way you have curled around my heart...

The Man in the Station

Snow Globe

This has been the warmest fall in memory - record breaking double digit temperatures in December. Jackets and umbrellas instead of parkas and hats... It is almost Christmas and grass is still green, the sun still warms us as we walk.

It isn't until the sun goes down, slipped under the western horizon, that the temperatures also slip under the freezing mark.

When you slide into the seat beside me, I can smell the cold that hugs you and has followed you into the car. You will soon be warmed by the car and my hand will warm yours, your fingers curled in my palm...

Later we walk under a velvet black sky, the cold night on our cheeks and noses... Our voices and breath made visible under the streetlights and by Christmas lights.

Only twice now this season do I remember snowflakes... And each time I have been walking with you... You close beside me - big blanket of sky, rows of lights and decorated houses... It seems that Christmas can't be white without you.

And as if on cue, large white flakes floating down... Completing the picture... Suddenly we are released into the wonder of a snow globe come to life... My world has been turned upside down and shaken - and is made beautiful and magical.

I could stand in this time and place with you for a lifetime.  Stand here with you beside me, feeling the snowflakes on my cheeks and lashes, watching them caught in your hair... Seeing Christmas lights reflected in your eyes... Knowing it is you who somehow brings magic to the night and makes the night and the season feel like Christmas.

I could stand here until all of the snowflakes have settled, the cold and magic settled on our shoulders and hair - and see that light in your smiling eyes.

And one kiss...

Thinking about you...

To The Lady on the Train,

Sometimes I think about you and I swear,

I must have the happiest, goofiest grin on my face.

Thinking about you makes me smile.

The Man in the Station

One Night..

To The Lady on the Train,

Tonight is our one night... I will watch you walk into the room like a dream and in that moment everything will stop... There will be no sound but the pounding of my heart... My breath will catch... All I will see is you...

Your hair up, dark eyes flashing bright, a sweet smile playing on your lips - nervous at your entrance... There will be a light lining your long neck and white freckled shoulders... Your beauty shines through the room and holds me...You are an angel that has somehow landed here..

That moment will hang there for a brief eternity...

At the end of the evening of dancing and laughter I will hold you - an angel in my arms until the morning light... And I will wonder at how it has happened to me that I should be so lucky - what deserving deed could I possibly have done..

For our one night I will hold you in arms of love .

The Man in the Station

Just a Kiss...

To The Lady on the Train,

Just a kiss... between us there is no such thing. I have always been able to hold myself close, revealing little of what I am feeling or thinking.. except when it comes to you... Just a kiss... one kiss... and I am sent reeling.. all of my senses spinning... It takes everything I have to keep any kind of restraint or control...

With the slightest touch of your hand in mine, the feel of you close to me, your hair next to my cheek... your lips pressed to mine, the taste of your tongue... I am suddenly a lost in a place that has no sounds but ours, no one else but us, and no time.  The floor falls away, the sky opens, and I am floating with just you in my arms... the scent of you filling me up, a soft moan in my ear. In this one brief moment nothing else matters..

Just a kiss... and contained within it is a whole universe.

The Man in the Station

The Sea

To The Lady on the Train,

You change like the sea - in your appearance, in your moods, in your distance, in your eyes... At times calm and still, at times turbulent, at times steady... but always changing - and always beautiful...

When you move - a tilt of your head, pulling your hair back off of your shoulders, turning in your chair, bending to write - the world stops, my breath catches, heart races... my senses reel...

I am still trying to get my sea legs.

The Man in the Station

Winter Comes

To The Lady on the Train,

The weather has turned colder.. The days are short and the nights are long...

The sun slants long shadows, the rare time we see the sun...

I would hibernate the winter away with you... curled up in a warm den, and watch you sleep in my arms...

The Man in the Station