Happy Valentine's Day

To The Lady on the Train, 

I wish that you could see how I feel whenever I look at you. I do not know what it was that turned your eyes my way, but I am glad that they did. 

With all my love I wish you our Happy Valentine’s Day. 

Covering you. 

Always. 

The Man in the Station.

Busy and away...

To The Lady on the Train,

I know that for the last while you have been very busy. It feels like you are 'away' too...

I miss you.

The Man in the Station

A start of a vacation

We have been driving for three hours into the near north - the rush and bright lights of the big cities left behind. We have even pushed passed the small cities and are now speeding passed the small towns that dot this part of the province. We cross creeks and rivers, trees, lakes, and rocks - all flying past us under a darkening sky. We have climbed up onto the rocky backbone that anchors this continent - the Canadian Shield. A great slab of rock that cradles thousands of deep cold lakes and somehow the few inches of dirt that clings to it sustains some of the worlds most beautiful forests. 

Good farmland is hard to find and the roads are littered with abandoned attempts where some tried and failed to eke out a living from scrubbed land. Fields, fences and foundations are left to be reclaimed by nature, turning to meadow and then young forest of birch and poplar and spruce. It is a beautiful and hard land and many have been drawn here to be crushed by it. This land cannot be forced to obey for long - it takes a different skill to live and thrive here.

With streetlights and the lights of towns behind us, the evening darkens to night quickly and now I can only see you by the glow from the dashboard. The hum of the tires and your warm hand in mine and knowing our destination is close make me smile. You draw a deep breath and sink into your seat, tuning a little. You are getting tired.

"We're almost there - it's on the next road" I say.

A minute later we turn off the paved road and feel the crunch of gravel beneath us. The headlights show only the narrow road ahead with tall dark trees on either side. Its like driving in a tunnel. The only hint of civilization is the rare mailbox and hint of a driveway into thick woods. Cresting a hill and seeing the mailbox I was looking for we leave the gravel road and drive up a winding and rutted dirt road. Branches scrape the sides of the car as you lean forward to look at our path. Fully awake now at the excitement that we are very close to our destination. One final hill and sharp turn when we are suddenly in a large open clearing bathed in moonlight - the treetops and cottage outlined in silver. The sound of the car now suddenly an intrusion and I shut it off as soon as I stop. 

"We're finally here" I say as you beam at me. Excitedly you get out of the car first, wanting to see the cottage and the lake.

You turn toward me and say "It's beautiful here. It's perfect".

You say this to me standing in a clearing beside a still black lake, a cottage of warmth and comfort. You say this with the moon shining on your smiling face and turning your curls into a halo. You say this with a million stars all around you, the smell of the woods, and the only other sound is the pounding in my chest. You are beautiful - your are perfect... and I am at a loss for words.

"It is" is all I can choke out as I take your hand to lead you to stand by the water. 

Not even close...

To The Lady on the Train,

You are out of my league - way out of my league. I don't even come close.

The Man in the Station

You Can Never Hold Back Spring...

To The Lady on the Train,

Winter is hanging on my it's fingernails. Tomorrow is the first day of spring - the vernal equinox - but it has turned cold, windy - the snow coming sideways. It is as if winter is trying to push back the spring. Winter is fighting to stay, but even in this blast of arctic air, you can feel the teeth and claws of winter dulled... It will bite, but is not the fierce, skin freezing weather of just a couple of weeks ago...

Let winter have its last cry. Let it blow and bluster its way out. We have only to stand here a little longer. We have only to wait a little while... The sun will come, and warmer winds, and of course the rain... The sap is running and if you look close, you can see the turning in the trees and birds.

This storm we will weather and know that we will come out the other side with all of the promise of spring. The promise of renewal, repair, and regeneration... We will come again into warm light and be filled with hope.

The Man in the Station


"You can never hold back spring
You can be sure I will never stop believing
The blushing rose, it will climb
Spring ahead or fall behind
Winter dreams the same dream, every time

Baby you can never hold back spring
Even though you've lost your way
The world is dreaming, dreaming of spring

So close your eyes
Open your heart
To the one who's dreaming of you
And you can never hold back spring
Remember everything that spring can bring
Baby you can never hold back spring
Baby you can never hold back spring "

     - Tom Waits

Do You Remember...

Angel,,

Do you remember our first dance? A little drunk and disbelieving... Our confessions and doubts - and then a crazy night.

Do you remember our first date a couple of days later? In a restaurant, my silences awkward - but my heart pounding with excitement and fear the whole time...Sitting across from you was like being in a light too bright.

Do you remember our first kiss? Across a desk, your eyes changed - filled... We leaned in, lips met, tongues played, lips brushed - and a falling that would not stop... I thought that I had done something wrong.

Do you remember the first time we made love? On a blanket we kissed and held onto each other... We were desperate and we moved as if we knew each others bodies for years... We lay naked and fearless -  I could not stop touching your skin and you let me touch and explore... you let me be me...I was so moved, that for three days I was in a daze. I wanted to tell you what I was feeling, but words failed me.

Do you remember holding hands while sitting in the station or riding the streetcar?


Do you remember a pullout couch in the kitchen? A place made of wood, glass and magic - the times that we stole to be together. A dinner, candles, and the scent and feel of you... We entwined our bodies and our lives - lost and found in the same moment...

I remember these times and so many others... I remember them and wonder what will come next for us... The touch of your hand still presses on my heart. I still carry you with me and have only to close my eyes to see yours - changeable and beautiful...

I remember one crazy night as the start...

Me.

Smile

To The Lady on the Train,

I love to see you smile. It lights up an entire room.

The Man in the Station

First Light of Spring

To The Lady on the Train,

The season is turning once again in this city. And as always the turning is measured in the temperature of the breeze and by the slant of the sun. It is measured by the sightings of birds and squirrels and the greening of patchy lawns. Between squinting in the thin sun and the diminishing brown snow banks we are aware of the coming spring.

Perhaps it is these things that stirs in our blood and awakens some hope within us. Perhaps it is some unseen magic or shift in gravity that whispers to some forgotten promise that lifts our chins up from our chests. The city stands a little taller and further out from ourselves. We shed the first layer of hibernation from our souls - it falls from our shoulders as we squint and shield our eyes from the sun as if seeing it for the first time.

It is still cold and we remain wrapped for the time being. But the earth is whispering to us - soon, I promise, soon.

The Man in the Station

You are strong...

Angel,

I hate seeing you so upset. It could break my heart.

I can see the frustration and the pain and the anger. And I can see it weighing on you.

I see it and share it.

But I also see the steel and grit and strength of you. Though me and many others will stand with you, you have it in you to stand and fight on your own steam. You do not need anyone to fight your battles for you – though I would gladly do all that I can.

You are incredible in so many ways.

You are strong and tender.

You are a fighter and protector.

You are the sword and the shield.

You can be injured and heal stronger.

You accomplish, not taking full credit, and praise the accomplishments of others.

You lead and let your team find their own direction.

You do what is right and show others why it is right by your deeds.

There is so much in you to love and admire – and I would shout it to the world.

Whatever your battles, I will be beside you.

Whatever your victories, I will celebrate with you.

Whatever your defeats, I will help you back up.

Whatever you do, I will be your biggest supporter.

Come what may…

Just me.