...

Falling...

Beyond dreams...

To The Lady on the Train,



Even in sleeping dreams when the delusions of our egos can beguile us to grandeur and our abilities seem boundless, I have always known. Even while the night lets me fly or visit impossible lands or act mighty and brave, there is a corner of my wandering mind that stays grounded.


In sleep or awake there is a place measured by the back of your neck to your tail bone, from shoulder blade to shoulder blade, that hold the endless possibilities of a thousand galaxies. In the hollowed nape of your neck and collar bone is a place where a man could lose himself.


In dreams or awake, I have always known that your changing eyes held mysteries I could never unravel.


So it is no surprise that in the dark morning of sleep crusted eyes, numbed arms and pounding head that I should know the empty ache of you not here.



The Man in the Station

Anniversaries...

To The Lady on the Train,

Today will be a mixed day. It would have been eight years ago today that we found something that would change us. I will never forget those feelings. We stepped onto a path that neither of us knew to where it would lead. Even now, if I had to do it all over again, I would embark on that journey with you.

Today is also a day for you to remember a profound loss. I did not have then nor do I have now, words that would help to carry you through. But you were and are strong - stronger than you believe.

You are absolutely amazing - in so many ways.

As always, my thoughts will be with you.

The Man in the Station

always.

To The Lady on the Train,

I never did go away. I have never left you. I guess that you didn't know it, but I was waiting for you. I will always wait.

From The Man in the Station

In a crowded place...

To The Lady on the Train,


I can sit in a crowded food court, in the middle of hard chairs, hard tables, hard voices. I can be surrounded by people and noise and chaos and lights that are too bright. I can sit there and not notice these things because your voice has drifted across to me. And somehow I find that I have fallen into your curls. Somehow, the line of your chin or the colour of your eyes has made everything else fall away. Somehow, the movement of your hand silences all sounds.


The Man in the Station

Hearts...

Angel,



Our hearts live by contradictions impossible to understand. It is when we tie our heart to another that we are most free. How is it, that in the binding, we are able to soar? We see the world in new colours; we listen to our better angels; our burdens are lessened. We become our better selves.



When those bonds begin to dissolve, it is not the binding that break but our heart. And when a heart breaks, we can no longer fly; we sink and look to bury ourselves. Colours drain, we cannot hear our angels, everything becomes a chore. We are no longer ourselves.



An unbound heart cannot soar because it is not meant to beat alone. The hardest thing is to remember that no heart is ever completely unbound; is never alone. The hardest thing sometimes is to find the tie that binds.



Just me.

Love Song: I and Thou

Love Song: I and Thou

By Alan Dugan          

Nothing is plumb, level, or square:

     the studs are bowed, the joists

are shaky by nature, no piece fits

     any other piece without a gap

or pinch, and bent nails

     dance all over the surfacing

like maggots. By Christ

     I am no carpenter. I built

the roof for myself, the walls

     for myself, the floors

for myself, and got

     hung up in it myself. I

danced with a purple thumb

     at this house-warming, drunk

with my prime whiskey: rage.

     Oh I spat rage’s nails

into the frame-up of my work:

     it held. It settled plumb,

level, solid, square and true

     for that great moment. Then

it screamed and went on through,

     skewing as wrong the other way.

God damned it. This is hell,

     but I planned it. I sawed it,

I nailed it, and I

     will live in it until it kills me.

I can nail my left palm

     to the left-hand crosspiece but

I can’t do everything myself.

     I need a hand to nail the right,

a help, a love, a you, a wife.

Through my eyes...