Shine..

When I write, I usually tell you about the quieter, more romantic thoughts that go through my mind - how I feel... I tell you about those moments that I can almost feel you there.. Oh those moments are so real and what I write does not even come close to how it feels for me - except somehow, I think that you do know the feelings.. the moment... how I feel.

Just as there is more to our relationship than a romantic relationship, or a friendship... You and I both want more than just one thing... We want more from each other than just one dimension...

I am going to tell you about a side of you that I often see - but rarely let you know that I see it...

I sat on the steps, across a very loud and busy room, unable to see you, though acutely aware of where you were. Across that room I could hear your laugh..

In that laugh I knew your face and could picture your head tossed back.. your eyes closed... your shoulders sharp, elbows close, legs crossed....

hearing your laugh, my heart leapt... knowing that you are having fun and letting laughter float across this cavern without holding back, I could not help but smile... seeing you share a smile, a joke, a hug, a laugh with the people around you makes me incredibly happy...

even seeing you in the unexpectedly the other day, though it felt awkward for me... seeing your eyes shine and your smile made me happy. It was unexpected and my breath caught seeing you... I can pick out your voice through a din - and it moves me... especially when I hear joy in your voice...

I cannot help it - I am lifted up just hearing your happiness spill out - even if I have nothing to do with your moment. I celebrate your happiness.

I love watching you shine - even from across a room - it is how I have always watched you.. 

This morning...

Laying here in the dark and quiet of the early morning, I can picture you as clearly as if you were here beside me. I know your scent and wish that it still lingered here with me - but it has been too long since you were here last and has faded from these bed sheets... I can imagine it though...

I know your territories and the changing feel of your skin - from the impossible softness of your cheeks to the strength of your freckled back to the soles of your feet. I have explored those territories and know them by heart and yet I feel that I have barely begun my journey. My eyes closed, I can picture my hands finding you here and exploring all over again. There is a treasure in the touch of your skin - a press of thumb between your shoulder blades, my cheek pressed to the back of your knee, your hand on the back of my neck as I press my lips to your collar bone... There is a treasure in the feel of you and I am greedy for it..

I know the wild tumble of your hair and I know the feel of your curls against my cheek as you kiss me. I can imagine falling into the tumble, burying my face to whisper in your ear.

I know the sound of your voice and the changing tones...  I have heard joy, sadness, pride, anger, passion, and love in your voice... I have heard more than you have said... I have felt the whisper of your voice in my ear...

But mostly I think of your face...

I have seen your face in the changing light of this room as it brightens into the morning. I have seen your face in the slant of a sunny winter day. I have seen your face in the middle of a brilliant summer day. I have watched your face as a sun sets, colours and mood changing with every passing minute. I can imagine your face here, now, in the dim light of this room.. I can see the angle of your jaw from ear to chin - the roundness of your cheeks when you smile, and the corners of your eyes... or how they change when you look at me sometimes - that spot on your cheeks just below your eyes... I know your nose and your brow and your small ears... but as always, what holds me are your eyes... they change with your moods and thoughts - from piercing hard coal to gentle softness to holding a depth of emotion that I can scarce imagine... Now though, I imagine them in their medium brown colour, partial half mooned, but with a message in them trying to be conveyed... It is a look that I have seen before and I hold it in my mind now... you look at me with that look as I touch the back of your arm to your shoulder and then trace a line down your back...

You are beautiful and I am drawn into your orbit... I couldn't fight it if I wanted to... I keep falling.

Nervous...

Angel,

You come home today.  To be perfectly honest I am excited and nervous.

I never know what to expect - what reaction from me do you expect...

It feels like there is a distance between us - but that may just because of the circumstances - or it may be more... and I won't know until you return.

Whatever your feelings / thinking / mind set - I will be glad to see you.

I miss you.

Just me.

You will ask me..

To The Lady on the Train,

When you get back, you will ask me if I have missed you. I will pretend that I hardly even noticed that you haven't been around.

But I have missed you - like crazy...

The Man in the Station

If I could..

Angel,

If I could...

I would show you just how amazing you are...

and how perfect you are for me.

Just me...

P.S. Come home soon.

as it truly is...

Here it is..

as it truly is...

I do not care about any other opinion or view...

All I know is who I see and how I feel when I look at you.

You are beautiful. Absolutely and perfectly beautiful. Every time I look at you, I am transported - I am rendered speechless, breathless, senseless...

I cannot believe that you could ever have fallen for someone like me. I do not know how it happened, and I worry that I am in a dream and about to wake up - and no doubt eventually you will realize that so much more awaits for you... Until then, I will be selfish and accept your attention and affection.

You don't 'settle'. You won't 'settle'. You should never 'settle'.
I know that you could do so much better than me and eventually you will move on.

I am lucky beyond what I deserve - and I know it. I am the luckiest man on earth. Simple.

There it is..

as it truly is...

just the drive...

Driving with you beside me in the late afternoon - toward the westering sun. The day is warm for this time of year and the sun is shining brilliant. You look to the eastern sky and comment that the moon is also up and visible. The moon sits in the blue eastern sky, above the city and looks like a white pearl floating on water...

As the sun sinks lower and weakens, the western sky changes colour - taking on tones of red and orange. The colour on your face, tone in your skin, highlights in your hair, and sparkle in your eyes - all shining with a new radiance.. I can hardly look at you because your beauty could break my heart - and I can hardly keep from staring at you because your beauty has a gravity that I cannot pull away from...

We drive, your hand in mine - talking and laughing - and feeling a closeness that has shrunk the physical space between us. There is magic in the air, the twilight changing the colours around us as we move along the highway. We have our destination to the north of us and a few hours away... as we follow the curve of the highway to the north, the angle of the light from the sinking sun changes, coming now from our left. From my place on your left, I can see your face in profile - the angle of your jaw, the tumble of your curls, and the texture of the skin on cheek - so impossibly soft.

Our music plays as we talk and we have left no subject taboo or untouched... As we push our way north past the cities and wide highways, as we leave the loud sounds and hustling and bustling behind us, falling behind and getting smaller like a memory. The sky turns from reds to purples - and soon will slide to black... But the full moon rising shines silver and our light turns to a mystical shimmer.. I cannot see your features clearly now, but I know your warmth and shape by heart... your voice quiets and softens into the night. There is no longer any traffic, the road is down to two lanes and we are alone on this stretch of highway. It feels as though we are still and it is the world turning underneath of us - we are the center of the universe in this car, the moonlight lining you in silver, and the world moves our destination closer to us...

When we turn from the asphalt on to the narrow gravel road, we know that we are very close... The night is still warm, the moon is a high and brilliant orb, the stars now coming out by the millions, though not visible through the thick pines lining the road... It isn't until the car stops, we get out, and walk down hand in hand past the cabin to the water do we get a chance to see the full miracle of the night sky reflected in glass top of the lake.

I can see the full of you once again - bathed in the silver magic of the moonlight... It is not the warm glow of the dying sun - but it is just as beautiful - perhaps more. I move to stand close to you, face to face... my arm around you, my palm pressed to the small of your back, your breath close to my ear, your hair on my cheek, and the scent of you completely filling my up... I have longed to kiss you under the stars and moon... Here there is no sound but the rustle of you as your tilt your lips toward mine....

We share a kiss so unhurried,  tender, and sweet... with a softness that belies the passion that we both know is laying dormant for now... we know that we will share many kisses this weekend - and each one will be different - each one will communicate something new... We finish this kiss, my lips brushing yours so slowly... "If you start dinner, I will bring everything in from the car" I say.

Your smile and turning toward the cabin is the only reply I need.

As I head to the car, and see you through the cabin windows, lights brilliant and spilling light out onto the grass and trees, I wonder at us already.... So many moods, feelings, topics, songs, and looks have passed between us in the span of one drive... Ocean currents and tides have passed through us while in our small car.... I can feel it like a pressing on my skin... this was just the drive and I know - we both know - that this weekend will be something very special for us...

It has just begun...