Would you follow?

Angel,

If I look your hand to lead you, would you follow me wherever I may go? Would you walk with me through the stomping grounds of my childhood to see the places that helped form me? Would you let me show you the places of joy and pain in my past, and wander with me through memories, visiting ghosts of ancestors… 

Would you let me show you wild places where I have been and long to return to – to set our prints into mossy earth where few others have been? Will you come with me to see a sky so full of unfamiliar stars and a quiet that can hardly be imagined? Will you let me show you lakes of clear green glass reflecting  skies of blue, purple, pink and burning orange? If I took your hand, would you follow me to places where I have not yet been but long to share?

Would you come with me to venture into cities that have stood for centuries? Will you come where the language is not ours and the sights, sounds, smells, and tastes are strange and new to us but centuries old and at home? Will you walk beside me and wonder and see everything as new?

Will you walk with me across a land that is etched by the tracks of migrating animals and has felt the movement of their seasons since the world was young? If I took your hand, would you come with me to stand in an ancient sacred place and feel the spirits of animals moving across this land beyond time? Will you stand beside me on some vast plain and feel large because you are part of it, yet so small because we know how fleeting we truly are?

Will you follow me as I turn back to the places where we are from – to return to lands we know and love – and see them again in a new light? Will you come with me to a quiet lake nestled among trees growing on the hills carved by ice across this vast rock? Will you finally sit beside me in a place where we call home, our feet in cool water? Will you let me take you by the hand and lead you to all the places where we have been, where we have yet to go, and to places that we cannot even imagine?

Me.

If...

Angel,

Have you ever had a moment - a split second - perhaps when you are performing the most mundane or trivial of tasks., when you could imagine your life completely differently - and yet you would end up doing this exact same mundane task? It happens to me from time to time...

I could be in the kitchen putting chicken into the oven to cook and in that instant I know exactly what it would be like to performing that exact same task with you and our children just beyond the doorway... I can hear the voices. I can smell the scents. I know to my bones exactly what it would be like and to feel how right it would be for me...

I could be sitting on the couch at the end of the day and I can imagine what it would be like for your head to fall into my lap as you stretch out. I know that I would bend for a quick kiss and my hand would reach for some small patch of your skin to touch. We would talk of our day and we would range over topics that we cannot predict. Your voice in my ear, and seeing you relax - your face turned toward me and your beauty shining a light straight through to my heart... Oh I know it...

These moments hit me every once in a while - and if I could somehow step through some window or doorway...

I can imagine us.

Just me.

I will be...

Angel,

Every once in a while I get knocked on my ass in the most unexpected way.

The other thing that I learned - or rather re-learned - is what you need from me and what role you need me to be in your life.

I will be the person that accepts you just as you are.
I will be the one who can see you struggle, and yet see you as strong.
I will be the one who can see you doubting, and yet see you as confident.
I will be the one who can hear what you say and know what you mean.
I will be the one who sees the hardened shell and know what is protected.
I will be the one who can see what you most want to hide.
I will be the one who will hear what you will not say.
I will be the one who knows how you feel though you cannot say the words.
I will be the one who hears you say words that you do not feel

I love you - just as you are - no question - no doubt.
I wished that you knew it..

I will let you be the person that you need to be, as changeable as the sea, and as mysterious.

Just me.

As it is...

Angel,

There isn't anything that you could ever say, do, or show me, that will make me see you as anything other than absoloutely beautiful in every way.

Just me.

Simply

To The Lady on the Train,

I love you.

The Man in the Station

Away

To The Lady on the Train,

I feel the tug on my
heart whenever you go away …

The Man in the Station

More than Beautiful...

How to start...

These past few days have been a wonder for me. I have seen many sides of you - and I have reveled in every one. We asked each other if there is anything we would change. I said that there is nothing about you that I would change. It's the truth, and yet it isn't. There are times and in moments that I would change something about you... a different response or reaction, perhaps - but I honestly cannot say that I want to change you. I take you for exactly as you are - all of you - the good, the bad, the every in-between...

Watching you is like holding a precious stone in your hand and turning it in the light. it will at times be transparent, mirror the world, reflect colours that you can scarce imagine, and times hiding it's center... You can look at the stone, roll it in your hands, for an eternity - and though you think that you are looking at the entire stone - you know that it has so much more to reveal... You realize that there is no possible way to see the whole of this precious thing before you - it would take more than the lifetime that any man has been granted.

Oh, I have watched you turn, revealing different sides of your wonders, and I am held mesmerized.  You have caught me mid-stare and ask the usual question... "What?"... and I have answered with my usual answer "You are beautiful"... Here you have rolled your eyes or groaned or sighed... You do not believe me - or think me biased - or... I'm not sure what you think sometimes.

I tell you that you are beautiful because you are. But that does not come close to describing you. There are times when the sunlight shines on your face and I can see so much more of you… and in those times, every time, I am struck and left speechless.  I can see every lash on your eyes, every hair in your brow, the texture of your cheeks… I will follow the line of your forehead, over the bridge of your nose to the curl of your lip and around the edge of your chin – finally tracing my sight up the line of your jaw to your ear. I will let myself fall into the tumble of your curls.  I could hold your face in my sight forever – letting the world turn around us, days turning to nights and back to days…

I wish that I had the words to express how you make me feel when I look at you. There is a quickening of my pulse, a change in my breathing, and an overwhelming sense of ‘filling up’ and feeling more than I am. I look at you and sometimes memories of where we have been come flooding – and sometimes I am transported to somewhere we have not yet been but can imagine it like a memory… You are beautiful – you are more than beautiful – in many ways…

When you have my eyes..

Imagination...

I do not know what thoughts come to you in the quiet moments of your day or night. I do not know what fears haunt you the most when you feel small and vulnerable. I do not know to where your imagination takes you when you let it lead you by the hand or heart through all of the possibilities that exist. I do not know the places to which your mind or heart soars when you allow it.

But I do think of you in these times and I wonder where you wander.

And whatever your imaginings or thoughts I want you to know that what I feel for you is no imagination.

That I can accept all of you as you are - is not imagination. That I do accept all of you as you are - is not imagination. That I will always accept you for who you are - is no imagination. That I love you unconditionally and without reservation - is not imagination. That I am a simple man made of flesh, blood and bone who wants to be beside you - is not imagination. That this man will work for the privilege to be by your side - is not imagination. That this man will work with you to help you to achieve any goal - is not imagination. That this man will fight not against you but with you to beat any foe or concur any obstacle - is not imagination.

I am not an imagination.

A confession...

I know that you are the one that I want to spend the rest of my days with. You are the one that I want to spend the rest of my nights with.

Your face is the one I want to see as I drift off and it is the first thing that I want to see when I wake every morning.

I want to put my arms around you to hold you close as we sleep. I want to breathe you in and feel your hair against my cheek. We will talk about our day, work on a story, tell stories to each other. We will make each other laugh and cry.

And we will make love.

We will touch and caress each other. We will massage each other. We will explore each other and in so doing the territory that we explore is ultimately ourselves. Our terrain will have no boarders. There will be no fences, no roads. No gates. No guards.

The territories that we chart will be each other and ourselves. Know that we are wild and we are boundless. The maps we draw will not be framed or hemmed in. The secret maps that we draw will be as vast as the territories themselves.

In our explorations and charting - in all of our discoveries - we change the landscape. Maps will have to be redrawn, every time.

My Love, my Angel,

I want to explore and chart your every landscape, every river, every ocean. I want to place my footprints in your sand and to discover hidden valleys that no one has seen, where no one has been. I want to stand on the edge and look into some vast and uncharted territory or water - and not fear to go even further. I will leave my mark, but I will try do do no harm. I will touch as little as possible. I will treat these places with respect, reverence.

I want to find the places that have been damaged by others. If I find a poisoned river or if I find a track of land that has bee clear cut - stripped of what made it beautiful and alive, I will try to heal it. I will plant saplings. I will sow seeds. I will lay down fresh soil. And I will dance for cleansing rain.

I want to explore these places with you - with your permission - with your guidance, at times. I want to be lost in your oceans, forests, and valleys. I want to climb your mountains and swim in your depths. I want to never have to leave. I will be as the wind sweeping across your landscapes and oceans - exploring and changing - and always there.

I dream of you. I dream of us.

covering you...

Some of Your Charms...

I do not know what I have done to deserve you. You have a way of making me feel like I have never felt before. I wish that I could properly describe it, but all I can think about is being with you. Even with my eyes wide open, I can see your face - that's all I want to see. I can't stop thinking about holding your hand, kissing you - oh what those kisses do to me. I do not like being away from you - out of contact. You have become either an addiction or an obsession - or both.

You are beautiful and you have a physical presence that is very very powerful. The attraction that I feel for you in this regard, I cannot deny and I can barely control in a crowed room. When we are alone touching, kissing, looking in your eyes - I am totally and utterly beyond any ability to contain myself. Putting me in control is like putting a wolf in charge of a lamb - I just cannot resist you.

But the connection that I feel for you extends far beyond this physical attraction. I love your spirit. You are kind and generous but you are not lavish for the sake of lavishness - you take care that what you give will be appreciated. You have a soft and gentle nature but there is strength and resolve in you too. You are sensitive and vulnerable but feisty if injured and quick to let go of any injury. You are intelligent which is complimented with wonderful sense humour and a creative talent. You have a beautiful way of expressing yourself but you are not above swearing (I imagine shockingly so) when it is appropriate.

You have the most expressive eyes that I have ever seen - now that I have finally looked properly into them. In them I have seen such tenderness that it takes my heart right away. I have also seen the dark flash that is beautiful, but perhaps dangerous, like a flash of lightning. I love looking into your eyes, as you know. Your eyes begin to smile before the rest of your face catches up - and watching that smile grow, evolve, finally becoming a full radiant beam is one of my greatest secret pleasures.

I have seen all of these with my own eyes - these are first person, direct observations. Unbiased? Well, we can argue about that - which I also love to do with you.

You wonder why I feel the way I do about you? This is only the smallest list of examples and I can cite many other qualities that you possess - all of them fascinating, contradictory, and a part of you that makes you who you are.

I will spend many happy hours trying to decipher you. I will never tire of it. You never ever have to worry about trying to keep my interest - you are a tangle of mysteries and intricacies.

With every kiss that I give to you, it is I who receives the most - I have no doubt.

And I will cover you...

and be the richer for it.
always...